The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast. But to the outside world I was fine because I couldn’t let the emotions our, or show people that I was struggling.

Like so many, I’d watched the world fall to pieces, first over the pandemic, and then again as the number of anti-Asian hate crimes skyrocketed. Too bad your mom didn't feel comfortable sharing her PPD struggles with you so that you could be better prepared. I thought I was disappointing her when I caved in after two days and took a shower, and I felt anxious asking for her “permission” to leave my own house when I couldn’t stand being trapped indoors anymore. Then one day, my baby woke me from a nap with her crying, and a sinking feeling immediately washed over me. As the growing pressure to be beautiful gets even heavier in Asia, is it right to pin these expectations onto mothers as well?Although our different cultures have rarely been much of an issue between us, it has been very interesting seeing the cultural differences, particularly with his parents, when we had children. According to traditional Chinese medicine, our bodies have a “hot” and “cold” nature, which must be balanced for good health.

Many people might not know this, but NextShark is a small media startup that runs on no outside funding or loans, and with no paywalls or subscription fees, we rely on help from our community and readers like you. However, despite some cultural barriers in getting support from my mother, my primary hurdle in getting help had little to do with my cultural background but more with poor education. A Memoir in Nine Adventures , Jane Wong’s Meet Me Tonight in Atlantic City, and Delia Cai’s Central Places ; in film, there are rumblings of sequels to The Joy Luck Club and Crazy Rich Asians. The dystopian satire follows Frida Liu, who, after leaving her daughter unattended, is forcibly enrolled in a reformatory school for bad moms.I was grateful that I didn’t have to be alone with the baby, that I didn’t have to cook for myself, that she was always willing to rock the baby to sleep when I was too tired to do so anymore. The ’90s was her heyday, when Amy Tan’s The Joy Luck Club (1989) took the literary world, and then Hollywood, by storm. The emphasis on emotional restraint, the stigma against mental illness, and the desire to “save face” might prevent some Asian women from admitting they need help or from seeking help. The stories of four Asian American mother-daughter pairs marred by unspeakable trauma, struggling to express hope and love in translation, became a global phenomenon within the Asian community and beyond.

My mind focused on the word “depression,” and therefore, when I experienced severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts, I didn’t recognize them as anything but personal struggles. On the other hand, having live-in help definitely alleviated some of my anxiety because I had someone to talk to. Some of the restrictions for the first month, such as not leaving the house, might aggravate postpartum depression. The things your MIL said about taking care of the baby make me chuckle because my mom is exactly the same way! Because I was finally having an honest conversation about motherhood—sharing traumatic birth stories, empathizing about the challenges of breastfeeding.

A story where Asian women aren’t portrayed as quiet or submissive, but as the complex people they are: fierce and flawed, strong and vulnerable, hurting and hurt. Even if other symptoms are listed in the pamphlets, they usually only emphasize the depression part. Critics have swooned over the movie’s hot dog fingers, the butt plug fight scenes, the trippy zigzags through possible worlds, but stripped of its zaniness, the indie sleeper dominating the Oscars is essentially the story of an aging Asian American mom confronting her very real flaws to reach her daughter. We hope you consider making a contribution to NextShark so we can continue to provide you quality journalism that informs, educates, and inspires the Asian community. While many people seemed pleased with the competition, others seemed uncomfortable with the whole ordeal.

It’s such a taboo for moms to reveal any flaws, or thoughts or feelings about a subject that isn’t their children,” Jessamine said to me.Had I known that PPD symptoms included anger, among other things, then I might have been able to catch it sooner. I willed myself to get up each time, mostly because I knew my mother would come knocking if I kept my daughter crying.