I have recommended that my wife, 2 daughters and son (when older) all read this to both help safeguard themselves and identify any behaviour of their own that could be controlling. A former police officer and internationally renowned professor of public protection, she lectures on sexualised and fatal violence; works with families bereaved through homicide; and trains police and other professionals on how to best handle cases involving coercive control, domestic abuse and stalking.

It’s a fantastic piece of non-fiction by Jane Monckton Smith who is a specialist in the field of homicides and has a plethora of experience behind her. Several people I know had previously read the book and all spoke about it being a powerful experience. In her new book, In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder, she lays out the eight stages of a domestic homicide timeline that flag up the potential for the coercively controlling to kill. Early on, he blamed past relationship failures on his ex-girlfriend, without acknowledging his own role. Moreover, This largely answers my troubles with legal procedures in matters such as sexual harassment crimes.Part case study, part social commentary and part memoir of a woman dealing with domestic homicide, In Control shows that there are clear signs when a relationship is about to turn violent - we've just been trained not to see them. Occasionally Jane Monckton-Smith's writing appears to lose a little direction and clarity; the subject matter however, clearly speaks for itself! For example, the constant need for validation from the partner in the relationship guaranteed by the perpetrator's threat of suicide (Stage 3), and when the partner is firmly within the perpetrators grasp of control (Stage 5), there is a sudden change of behavioural pattern like no longer needing to go through the daily rituals as a couple together and even giving the controlled spouse more freedom (Stage 6) and murder/manslaughter takes place in the most violent manner - stabbing in broad daylight being one occurrence (Stage 8). Leaving aside the horror of the individual cases here, and that we are probably getting a glimpse of the issue I was interested in how the eight stages may also apply to Governmental behaviour.

Hard to read at times and deals with some shocking statistics, descriptions of abuse, murder etc but NECESSARY.

Though I will say, women especially should read this book as they continue to suffer from domestic violence at incredibly high rates. Having this knowledge will help you understand people, the ways control works and will help you be able to spot coercive or dangerous domestic situations, a skill you hopefully will never need, but is good to know nonetheless. Reading real life interviews of these families make these women more than statistics and the murderous men who kill them to be seen as controlling rather than the victims. By completing your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and authorise Audible to charge your designated card or any other card on file. She looks at the progress from the intensity of a new relationship, through coercive control and stalking, then (potentially) to murder or suicide.

I was intrigued to understand and read more about this from a level-headed, non-dramatised perspective.My colleagues are now ploughing through this as well and they all agree that a tidal wave of change is coming based on our understanding of control from this work. The most important thing I have taken and shared from this book was not to ask ‘Why didn’t she leave? Coercive control is frequently driven by the fears of its perpetrators, and maintained by the fears of its victims.

obviously, this book deals with some heavy subject matter and because Monckton-Smith uses real life examples this book definitely comes with some trigger warnings, including domestic violence, rape, murder, forced pregnancy, child abuse, emotional blackmail and manipulation, gaslighting and stalking. We already accept that a history of control or domestic abuse is predictive of more abuse because we’ve got the domestic violence disclosure scheme.The best way to describe this book is that if domestic abuse and coercive control had never touched my life, this book would be able to educate me about these patterns. To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. The problem also goes across races, cultures, socio-economic groups, sexualities and personality types.