Special thanks to the contributors of the open-source code that was used in this project: @krisk, @HubSpot, and @mongodb. A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a viagra. “Why in the world do you want that?” she asks. He looks at her and says, “Well, that’s what you give dad when his shit won’t get hard.”

My wife gave me a handjob the other day using Vaseline. I came three times trying to wash that shit off. Personal identification: Naming one's penis can establish a sense of personal identification, making it simpler to refer to it in talks or during sexual activity.While these are technically penis pics, they're much more adorable and charming than something you'd send while sexting. Little Dude is a good-natured Everyman who seems more than ready to dress up as a superhero, or dive head first into a cake. Little Dude has been featured on The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, and Metro.UK to name just a few, and is currently burning up the internet. It seems pretty obvious that there will be a book at some point such as Sh*t My Dad Says, or maybe even an animated show. I don't think there's a dream that too big for Little Dude. Unlike the toilet roll holders that only stay in one place in the bathroom, a human tissue holder could be portable and even follow people around the house who need a roll of tissue paper. She comes over, I go to the fridge and find we only have SPICY KIELBASA! I show her and we decide to still try but cover them in condoms. We sit on my futon, slide our pants/undies down, throw a blanket over our laps... I remember thinking, "Am I sure I want to do this?", but I hear her, like, moaning so I....plunge ahead. IT HURTS! And it's like burning and I feel weird. At that moment my mother BURSTS in (drunk) and starts screaming at us! She insists we're doing drugs and questions the blanket over us. I finally convince her to leave and remove the sausage. Hillary hands me hers and I go to throw them in the wastebasket. That's the last thing I remember.

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden, the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran." Achieving an erection is one of the most complex functions to happen in a man, Reitano says: "For starters, hormones must be released on demand, arteries need to carry six times more blood to the penis with perfect efficiency, the nervous system must transmit its signals without a hitch, and the mind must be working in perfect harmony with the body." Things→ sexuality (related to)→ body parts related to sexuality (list of)→ genitals, genitalia, privates, private parts→ male genitalia

7. Men Using Their Penises as a Weiner – “The Penis Dog”

If you are a man and reading this amusing list, did you find some things to do yourself? If you have not heard of some of these crazy penis actions, are you tempted to try it out now? Who knows, you might have an amusing time trying out new roles for your penis. It could bring you entertainment and also bring your lady some laughs, too. Archive